PART 1: Thought it might be of interested how we pulled off living in Italy for part of the year, so will post some steps we took. Here I am now in Puglia southern Italy. Here until end of Sept. Step 1: Started several years back with the question: why not? Step 2: Let's explore the possibility of living in Europe, without any obligation. Step 3: Where? We took our time here, first considering Spain, then France and then Italy. We looked at visa/residency requirements for each, national health care system, quality of life and expenses/costs. Step 4: We zeroed in on Italy because of it's cost of living, health care network and quality of life. Step 5: What matters. Through this process, we came to realize what really matters to us: relationships. We have friends in Italy who are like family, and, rather than moving to some beautiful town where we know no one, we chose Italy because, in the end, it is relationships that are most important. Watch for my book coming out later in the year: "Stories from Puglia: Two Californians in Southern Italy". More next time.

UNFORESEEN EVENTS PART 2: I thought it might be of interest to share how we pulled off living in Italy for part of the year. I will post some steps we took. We are in Puglia until the end of September, then back again in the winter. This morning we went to Santa Caterina near Nardo, Puglia, and hiked up to the 15th century tower, part of a system to defend the region from pirates. But let’s turn our attention to realizing our dream. The second stage in our journey towards living in Italy could be called “Unforeseen Events”. Step 1: A chance encounter. We would never have considered living in Puglia if it wasn’t for a chance encounter in Rome, which developed into a friendship and then a new life. I had never been to Puglia and knew little or nothing about it. But through this friendship, a series of unforeseen events unfolded that led us to the point where we are now: living here. Step 2: Seeing beyond our plans. When I reflect on my experiences of travel, what I most remember are the human encounters and relationships. Sometimes I can’t recall what city I saw this church in or that museum, but I always remember the people I’ve met, conversations I’ve had with locals, and parts of our lives that we have shared. This perspective has shaped our decision to live in Italy. To see beyond my own plans and projects, be open to meeting others without preconceptions, being open to new friendships, being willing to be spontaneous, to be pulled beyond my comfort zones…all this, bit by bit, led us to this place. So we are here now. Because of friendship. Because of a series of unforeseen events. I will share more in the future about how this is unfolding for us here. Watch for my book coming out later in the year: "Stories from Puglia: Two Californians in Southern Italy". More next time.

How we moved to Italy. Deciding Where. PART 4: I thought it might be of interest to share how we pulled off living in Italy for part of the year. I will post some steps we took. We are in Puglia until the end of September, then back again in the winter. The title of this post is: Deciding Where. Step 1: We were firm in our decision to live part time in Europe about 4 years ago. After a quick investigation to see which country has good healthcare and quality of life, we focused on Italy because, besides the above, we have ties to that country since I lived there for 8 years in my youth. Step 2: Where in Italy? My partner liked the north, I liked the south. I wanted life on the streets, he wanted no graffiti. I wanted full immersion, he wanted baby steps. The great thing about relationships is that we are forced to look at things from other points of view. So our journey to the decision on where to live took us to Umbra, Tuscany, Le Marche and the area around Rome. We looked at areas compatible with our budget and that fit our image of a new life in Italy. Step 3: Evolution. Through this process of discernment, we, unexpectedly, began to change. What seemed essential moved down the priority list. Our image of life in Italy evolved. Gradually focus came to what was blurry. Step 4: Attitude and openness. I’m a person of faith, which helped me to pull back on trying to lock in and control our future, to just doing the footwork and seeing what the process reveals. Sort of like accepting things I cannot change and changing things I can. This has been the MOST important step in our journey and has led us in new directions. Step 4: The essential. What our journey has revealed, little by little, is that, in the end, it is relationships that matter. Buildings and architecture and museums are incredible but the human connections we have are most pivotal for our lives. We decided we didn’t want to live in a beautiful but dead Italian town where we would end up watching TV every night. Step 5: The decision. When step 4 became clear, moving from discernment to decision became clearer. What is that area of Italy which would most foster relationships with locals? For us, the answer is Puglia where we have friends who are like family. Step 6: We are now in Puglia living the first stage of our adventure. Through this process, I’m somehow feeling “led” here. And I feel confident that, as we both do the footwork and are open, the next steps will become clear. Watch for my book coming out later in the year: "Stories from Puglia: Two Californians in Southern Italy". Already published: “She Seduced Me: A Love Affair with Rome”. More next time.

V. The part is called: The Car Conundrum PART 5: I thought it might be of interest to share how we pulled off living in Italy for part of the year. I will post some steps we took. We are in Puglia until the end of September, then back again in the winter. The Car Conundrum when living in Italy. Step 1: When we started down the path of living in Italy for part of the year, we had to deal with transportation. Visiting Italy as a tourist and renting a car for a week is much different than living there for 3 months (which is what we are doing now) and having transportation. We have a budget of what we can afford so our choices were not unlimited, but we realized that we did have choices. Step 2: Choices. Upon investigation, we realized that our transportation choices include: not having a car, renting a car, leasing a car, or buying a car. Each of these choices has consequences. Step 3: Investigation. Some of the consequences of each choice include: not having a car would require us to live in a bigger town or city; renting a car for months gets extremely expensive very fast; leasing a car is more affordable than renting but is still a considerable expense; buying a car requires that one have legal residency in Italy. Step 4: Discernment and choice. Since we decided to take our sojourn in Italy step by step, we realized that the best step for us is leasing a car, and we found the best rates from RenaultUSA. You can only rent from Rome and Milan, but it fits our needs for 3 months. Step 5: New possibilities. We have been here in Puglia for one month already and have realized that much of what gets accomplished is through relationships. We heard from other expats that it is possible to rent a used car from a small company down here for even less than leasing, so that seems to be the way we will go when we return in the winter. Step 6: Residency. When one becomes a resident, one can legally purchase and own a car in Italy, but one should do one’s homework regarding that step. Our adventure in Puglia is entering its second month and we are overjoyed and grateful here. Watch for my book coming around the 1st of the year: "Stories from Puglia: Two Californians in Southern Italy". More next time.

VI. This part is called: Residency, Visa, American Passport, or What? PART 6: I thought it might be of interest to share how we pulled off living in Italy for part of the year. I will post some steps we took. We are in Puglia until the end of September, then back again in the winter. Residency, Visa, Passport, or What? when living in Italy. Step 1: I have an impulsive side and a cautious side, so when it came to living in Italy for part of the year, my first instinct was to apply for the elective visa, since I recently retired, then register as a resident once I arrived in Italy. Advantages of becoming a resident include being able to own a car and also eventually being able to be covered by the state health system. Plus, it just meant feeling more part of the new life we are embracing. But a principal I learned in Al-Anon cautioned me: “What is important is not urgent, and what is urgent is not important”. Becoming a resident felt so urgent, so I decided to pause and investigate before taking that leap. Step 2: Choices. Since our goal was to live in Italy for 4-6 months out of the year (because of ties and obligations in California), we realized that our choices included: staying in Italy on our passport or coming to Italy on a visa and registering as residents. We do not qualify for Italian citizenship at this point. Step 3: Investigation. Upon investigation, each choice has guidelines, obligations and consequences. Step 4: American Passport Choice: Coming to Italy on a passport means that one is limited to 90 days at a time, totaling about 180 days per year. To make sure we are within the guidelines, we use a calculator like this: https://www.schengenvisainfo.com/visa-calculator/ . Step 5: Residency Choice: As we investigated becoming a resident, some of the principles that became clear are: one becomes a resident of one country, not two; either of the US or Italy. If one becomes a resident of Italy, one comes under the obligations of Italian tax laws. Another principle is that one does not have to pay double taxes, since there is a tax agreement between the US and Italy. The third principle is that filing taxes in both Italy and the US is complicated and one really cannot do it without the aid of a tax attorney (commercialista) who specializes in this area. Step 6: Discernment and choice. Each person’s dreams and goals are different and we are taking our sojourn in Italy step by step. Our goal is to reside in this beautiful country for only part of the year because of obligations in California; therefore, the logical choice began to manifest itself. For now, coming to Italy and following the guidelines for Short-term visitors to the Schengen countries (see step 4) is the right choice. Step 7: The Future. One important lesson in this adventure is that we don’t have to have it all figured out at the beginning, but we can take our experience of living in Italy step by step. The decision to stay in Italy on a passport, following the guidelines for short term stays, is the right decision for now. That choice may or may not change in the future, and that is perfectly OK. Our adventure in Puglia is now in its second month, and we can’t believe how smooth and amazing it is. Watch for my book coming around the 1st of the year: "Stories from Puglia: Two Californians in Southern Italy". More next time.

VII. This part is called: Housing: Buy, Rent or Lease? PART 7: I thought it might be of interest to share how we pulled off living in Italy for part of the year. I will post some steps we took. We are in Puglia until the end of September, then back again in the winter. Housing: Buy, Rent or Lease? Step 1: When we first decided to live in Italy, my first instinct was to find a place to buy so we could lock in our future Italian adventure. We looked at some places for sale in and around Rome and Lecce, but prices were higher than I expected and I wasn’t clear on what we wanted. Once I realized that I was being impulsive, I remembered the principle that “what is important is not urgent, and what is urgent is not important”. Calm down, chill out and let the process unfold without forcing solutions, I told myself. Step 2: Choices. I realized that we have essentially three choices for lodging once we move to Italy. Since our intention was to live there 4-6 months out of the year, our choices included: buying a property, leasing a property for a year or more, or renting a property for only the times we would be living in the country (2-3 months in the summer and 2-3 months again in the winter/spring). Step 3: Investigation. Each lodging choice could fit specific needs so we needed to investigate which solution would fit our needs. Step 4: Solution 1: Purchasing a property. Years before we began the adventure of living here, I began to look for properties to buy online. My impulse was to purchase and lock in our Italian home, but I didn’t want to have future regrets, so we searched and visited properties. I am grateful to have a partner who urged me to be cautious. My local friends advised me: “It is easy to buy a house in Italy but difficult to sell”. After looking at properties online and spending time in the area we were interested in (Puglia), we discovered that many of the best properties and opportunities are discovered through word of mouth rather than a website; the properties that end up on the international websites are not always ideal and often have been on the market a long time. We learned again that many things function in Italy through relationships. Through friends, we heard about and looked at interesting properties for sale which were yet unlisted. We discovered a wonderful real estate expert, Anna Maria, who speaks English and specializes in Salento, Puglia. We are grateful for her friendship and she also gave us some great leads. After looking at some properties, we decided to hold back and get to know the area before looking into buying. Step 5: Solution 2: Renting a property. Renting a property for 2-3 months at a time is another option that we looked into. Many of these types of properties are available through AirBnB and other sites. What we found out is that the daily rate on these sites, multiplied by months at a time, can get very high very quickly. We then asked our local friends. In our experience, the best way to rent a property here is through relationships. We found several people in Puglia who are willing to rent their homes for part of the year. They didn’t advertise on the websites, being either friends or friends of friends. Step 6: Solution 3; Leasing a property. Leasing a property on a 12 month or more lease can greatly reduce the monthly cost. For example, a house that may rent in our town for 600-700 euros a week during the tourist season (July, August), can be had for 300-350 euros a month on a 12 month lease. We found that the 12 month property leases found on international real estate websites can be higher than what can be found locally. Everything works through relationships here! Step 7: Discernment. We had to reflect for a time on which situation fit most our needs at this point in time. Coming to live in Italy, for us, is part planning and part act of faith. By doing the footwork and investigation we were able to figure out what we wanted and we lined up a few possibilities;; this is the planning part. The faith part unexpectedly came into play when we came to Italy over the holidays. We visited our friends in Puglia and one had just rehabbed a house.. We stepped in and were amazed how well it fit our needs. It was as if the right solution presented itself at the moment we were ready. Step 8: Our solution: We are choosing a hybrid between renting and leasing: renting from a friend for 4-6 months out of the year seems to be the ideal solution for us, for now. Step 9: The Future. We have been discovering that not everything is clear at the beginning, and that next steps seem to reveal themselves at the right time. Today we are renting for about half the year, tomorrow this may change; that is part of the adventure. Watch for my book coming around the 1st of the year: "Stories from Puglia: Two Californians in Southern Italy". More next time.

VIII. This part is called: How To Pack and How Not To Pack. PART 8: I thought it might be interesting to share how we pulled off living in Italy for part of the year. I will post some steps we took. We are in Puglia until the end of September, then back again in the winter. The topic we will explore: How To Pack and How To Not Pack for a long-term stay in Italy. Step 1: Recognition: I tend to pack for all the situations that might happen while traveling and behave as if I am going to a desert island where I have to rely solely on what I bring. Recognizing this tendency has helped me to control it. I want to be prepared to live in Italy for three months at a time, but I don't want to be so overly prepared that I am bringing too much stuff. So how do we walk this line? Step 2: Make a list. This step involved creating two Google Docs, one for short-term European stays and another for long-term. For the long-term list, I started about six months before our departure and just wrote down what I use daily and every week: my toiletries, gadgets, clothing per week, etc. Every time I thought of something ("Oh, I forgot my Waterpik!"), I wrote it down on the doc. Step 3: Needs vs. Wants: As I wrote things down, I created a category of "Wants" and started to put things there that were not so essential. One of these, for me, was brownie mixes with walnuts and a brownie pan. Lol. Step 4: Zeroing in. My list is ongoing, but once I had most of the things on it that I use on a daily and weekly basis, it was time to zero in on categories: Clothing: since I only stay in places with a washing machine (short or long-term stays), I would only bring enough clothing for a week. Washing clothing once a week is doable if there is a washer in the house. Toiletries: We all have our particular shampoos, creams, or whatnot that we are attached to. Do I need to bring enough for months, or could I obtain some of these in Italy? I would need to investigate. Gadgets: This includes things like a shaver, Waterpik, and blender. Yes, blender, but I put that under "Wants" rather than needs. Vitamins, medications, etc. Again, could I obtain any of these in Italy rather than bringing months' worth? Miscellaneous: under this category, I put everything else. Step 5: Investigation. We wanted to find out what we could obtain in Italy, so we wouldn't have to bring a ton of luggage. So we did two things: we visited the area we live in (near Lecce in Puglia) about six months before moving here. We found the nearest large Mall (centro commerciale) to scout out what we could obtain here, which is about 85% of what we had on our list. Toiletries, t-shirts, clothing, beach supplies, blenders, vitamins... The second thing we did was create an Amazon account in Italy and, to test the waters, we ordered some supplies (that is how I got my blender). I've noticed that on Amazon/Italy if you order the Italian equivalent of a product, it tends to cost less. In our town, Amazon products are delivered to a tobacco store to pick up. Step 6: Elimination. Homework done. We had an idea of what we could obtain in Italy, so I went through my list and eliminated many items. I brought enough toiletries for a few days, clothing for a week, and a few small gadgets. Once I did that, I had room for my brownie mixes! Step 7: The principle. The principle here is that I do not have to pack for any unforeseen event when planning an extended stay in Italy. If I only bring shorts, I can buy pants if the weather turns. If my Waterpik breaks (it did), I can get another one (it arrived in two days). A little letting go does me good. Letting go of trying to control all possibilities leads to greater peace of mind. It's going to be O.K. I can get what I need during my extended stay in Italy. And, without even realizing it, I am also getting what I want. Watch for my book coming around the 1st of the year: "Stories from Puglia: Two Californians in Southern Italy." More next time.

IX. This part is called: Cultures and Attitudes PART 9: I thought it might be interesting to share how we pulled off living in Italy for part of the year. I will post some steps we took. We are in Puglia until the end of September, then back again in the winter. The topic we will explore is: How to Acknowledge my Own Culture While Appreciating Another? Step 1: The Ugly American. We've seen it. Maybe we have been it. The person goes around complaining that things are not the same as they are "back home." This person whines, compares, judges, complains, and cannot wait to get back home, back to "civilization." How can I grow in the appreciation of other cultural attitudes and practices while traveling and living abroad? I don't claim to have all this figured out, but what I've learned about dealing with another culture is this: It is all about ATTITUDE. Step 2: One extreme: diving in. I've had friends and acquaintances who dove completely into Italian culture while disconnecting from their own. I don't know if this is good or bad, but I wonder if adopting another culture without examining my own and how they interplay can become one-dimensional. Step 3: Slow to judge. I just retired from being a high school social studies/history teacher. As we studied other periods and cultures, I made an effort in the classroom to see but not judge, experience but not categorize. For example, when studying the industrial revolution in the UK, we also examined the Amish community in the US. Rather than judging the Amish culture as "backward," we decided to look at that culture and our own without bias. The question we investigated was: is technology/industrialization good or bad for us? We looked at lifestyle, quality of relationships, family connectivity, work/life balance, and other factors in both spheres. Each student came up with their answer, backed up by evidence. I try to apply the same "be slow to judge" as we immerse ourselves in another culture. Just because it is different doesn't mean it is good, bad, better, or worse. Step 4: Acknowledging my own culture. Something that I am learning during this more extended stay in Italy is that acknowledging my own culture can be freeing; it can give me some perspective about what to hold on to and what to let go of. We are from California and carry certain cultural traits; we like things done at a specific time, in a certain way, and at a certain speed. We like grabbing a bite, organizing our calendars, and getting to the point. If I feel a cultural tension (something seems inefficient, too spontaneous, or too unlocked down), I can recognize the cause. "Oh, I'm feeling this way because, in my culture, we start and finish dinner in an hour, max"). Then I can become more open to seeing another perspective, like the focus on community building at meals here in Italy. Step 5: Knowing my limits. Experiencing another culture and other perspectives can increase my understanding, acceptance, and empathy for others, which is a great gift. But knowing my limits can help keep the cultural interactions positive. For example, staying out late for long dinners or festivals every evening doesn't work for me, so I am learning to navigate time with friends and my own time, when to accept a ride, and when to bring my car. Step 6: Avoid universalizing. When I don't know a culture, it can be easy to fall into the temptation of universalizing. But this can become an obstacle to getting to know and understand a person or culture. A rude person may be someone having a tough day, a fast driver may be having an emergency, and a loud talker might be someone with a hearing issue. I try to avoid jumping to "All of 'them' are like this" so I can have a chance to get to know someone and grow in cultural understanding. Step7: Openness to learning. This is an ongoing process for us, and experiencing another culture and letting it become part of our lives is one of the greatest gifts of this stay in Italy. I know I have much more to learn. I want to adopt the right attitudes to be open to learning. Watch for my book coming around the 1st of the year: "Stories from Puglia: Two Californians in Southern Italy." More next time.

This part is called: Learning Italian. PART 10: I thought it might be interesting to share how we pulled off living in Italy for part of the year. I will post some steps we took. We are in Puglia until the end of September, then back again in the winter. The topic we will explore is: How learning Italian can make or break my Italian sojourn. Step 1: My advantage: Since I studied in Italy in college and have kept up my Italian, I realized that I have an advantage over others who come to live here without knowing Italian. I want to explore the pitfalls, essentiality, and learning methods. Step 2: Pitfalls: There are many expats in Italy whose primary language is not Italian. I love connecting with expats to share their stories, experience, and goals. I especially relate to the English-speaking expats, who I find fascinating: they are people who have dared to turn their dream into reality and come here, risking everything. They realize that life is short and that a dream will always remain a dream if one doesn't take a risk. The pitfall: I studied at the North American College in Rome, and, after three years of living in the city, some of my colleagues barely learned two words in Italian; they never made friends other than North Americans and found ways to navigate the city without understanding its people or culture. They returned to the US with the same viewpoints that they arrived with. Isolating oneself within an expat community is a pitfall. I am not saying to refuse to make friends and relationships within the expat community; my partner and I treasure several good friends and the beginnings of friendships within that sphere. But isolating with other expats is a pitfall. My rule of thumb is that, while living in Italy, I am isolating if my expat friendships are over 50% compared with my friendships with locals. Step 3: Essential. Learning Italian is essential to gaining some understanding and appreciation of Italian culture. There, I said it. One will always be an outsider unless one can converse in the native language. Learning a language is not simply saying the same thing in different words but is another way of thinking. When I say in Italian, "Ti voglio bene" or "Ti amo," I realize that there are different types of love expressed. "I love you" or "I love brownies" covers it all in English. This is just one small example of how language is a window into another culture and mentality. Step 4: Learning methods. I am a teacher by profession, though I recently retired. I know, as an educator and from my personal experience, that not everyone learns the same. I've had students who are: Visual learners. Others are more auditory. Others work better on their own, and others learn best with others. Some need structure; others loathe it. In beginning to learn a language, I must discover which type of learner I am. Otherwise, I risk getting discouraged and discontinuing it. For me, I need structure and in-person instruction. Taking a community college class in Italian is the ideal method for me to learn because I need structure and accountability. I've tried online platforms, studying by myself from a book, and more unstructured methods, but I end up multitasking, not paying attention, and not learning much. So if I want to learn a language, I look for a class in which I will be accountable for completing weekly work. Every person is different, so I encourage someone who doesn't yet know what type of learner they are to try several. Does Rosetta Stone work for you? Go for it! Youtube videos? A textbook? A tutor? A full immersion program, like the famous ones at the University for Foreigners in Perugia ( https://www.unistrapg.it/en/studying-at-unistrapg/italian-language-and-culture-courses )? Sign up! Sometimes I get discouraged in learning, not because of the content but because I am trying to force a learning method that doesn't work for me. Step 5: Trial and Error. The biggest obstacle to learning a language is wanting to get it perfect before trying to speak it. But I learn best when I, imperfectly, use and speak a new word or verb form and accept corrections from native speakers. Step 6: Benefits and PayOff. The benefit is that I come to feel part of the community in which I live rather than an outsider, and I have the opportunity to develop deep friendships with those from different cultures, thereby enlarging my worldview. Step 7: First steps: the first step to set out on a new learning path is to discover which learning method works for me. I will try a few, see what works and what doesn't, and then embrace, with consistency, the learning path that fits best. Consistency is everything. Watch for my book coming around the 1st of the year: "Stories from Puglia: Two Californians in Southern Italy." More next time.

This part is about: What went as expected and what went a different way in our move to Italy? PART 11: I thought it might be interesting to share how we pulled off living in Italy for part of the year. I will post some steps we took. We are in Puglia until the end of September, then back again in the winter. The topic we will explore is "The Expected and the Unexpected." Step 1: We began planning our sojourn in Italy years before we did it this year. With so much planning, some things went as expected, and some things were unexpected. What were some of these things so far? What were some of our fears, and how did they play out? Step 2: Some of our fears: We expected to have problems with the internet and were concerned because of our remote work obligations. However, we've had no problems or issues at all! I bought an Italian SIM card (Iliad), inserted it into my phone, and now use it as a hotspot for the computer and TV. Another fear: Would we become bored being in Puglia as a resident rather than a tourist? This fear was also not realized: our lives are fuller here than in California, and we have had no occasion or opportunity for boredom. We had other fears, including feeling like outsiders or isolated, spending over our budget, and getting homesick. But none of these fears have played out. Step 3: Some things that we expected: We already had a group of close friends who are locals in Italy, and we expected our friendships to grow. With the focus on community and relationships here in Puglia, our local friends feel like family. What did we expect about food? On previous visits, we experienced the high quality of food in Italy, especially the produce: The tomatoes taste like tomatoes rather than the tasteless red balls we buy in California. The cantaloupe is fantastic. Watermelon is like sugar. Our taste buds continue to rejoice here. Another aspect of Italian life we were aware of and expected is life on the streets since we visited before moving here. In the evenings, we don't need a plan to go out; we walk outside or drive over to Lecce and become part of the life around us. We have also been to several village festivals; it is terrific to see grandmas dancing with their grandchildren and teenagers laughing with their parents. Since we are a gay couple, we wondered about acceptance. When we expressed this to our local friends, they told us that our city's provincial police chief and mayor are openly gay, and one's sexual orientation is pretty much a non-issue. We haven't encountered any homophobia or even discomfort in this area. Step 4: Unexpected: The unexpected events are what transform our experience in Italy and ourselves, and we are so grateful for these. Connecting with expats is one of the highlights of our first three months here. It has been amazing to meet so many fascinating expats who want more out of life than just dreaming but are willing to take a risk for the life they want. We have met several and are grateful for the foundations of friendship. Another unexpected event was the ease of accessing medical care. I needed to see a doctor for something minor. A few blocks away, in our neighborhood, is a private clinic where I paid a fee and saw a doctor in 5 minutes. He diagnosed my heat rash, wrote me a prescription, and I filled it at a local pharmacy. The whole thing (doctor, pharmacy, medication) took about 20 minutes. Some of our local and expat friends have also advised us that healthcare is a fundamental human right in Italy, which means that public clinics and hospitals provide care to whoever needs it. We have also found that pharmacists are willing to help, support, and advise. Shopping can be a slightly confusing experience since objects are grouped differently than they are in California. We went to a store looking for a digital clock among electronics and found them next to the candles; we went price bikes at our local shop, which also sells washing machines and fans. We also found that local stores provide better service than larger ones: the proprietors remember who we are and generally seem interested in how our time is going here. The intensity of friendship and the ease of making connections with locals in Puglia were both expected (we experienced it during visits) and unexpected (the rapid growth of our friendships). A sense of family and connectedness prevails. One last point that was unexpected is the curiosity that we encounter. In our or any town here in Puglia, if anyone is staring at us, they will get a "Buon Giorno" from me. Some stop and ask where we are from. When we respond "California" it is as if a magical veil has lifted. Smiling locals often ask why we are here, how life compares, etc. Curiosity can lead to friendships. Step 4: Insights: I've been reflecting on how the mixture of the expected vs. unexpected affects our lives or changes our viewpoints. Though this is a journey, the first insight is about priorities, which we find are realigning for us. Relationships seem more intense and are given more importance in one's life in Puglia. Many years ago, a friend told me that "friendships are like investments; they won't grow unless you spend time and energy cultivating them." Growing friendships is a priority in Puglia, and I am learning that there is more to living than I previously envisioned; I owe this realization to our friends here and our sojourn in Italy. Watch for my book coming around the 1st of the year: "Stories from Puglia: Two Californians in Southern Italy". More next time.

This part is called: Which cultural or everyday life differences are surprising and pleasant, and which differences take a while to get used to and understand? PART 12: I thought it might be interesting to share how we pulled off living in Italy for part of the year. I will post some steps we took. We are in Puglia until the end of September, then back again in the winter. The topic we will explore is Cultural differences. Step 1: I was already acquainted with the Italian language and culture since I lived in Italy for eight years (my university years). I was familiar with some cultural differences, but others were surprising, pleasant, or take getting used to. This experience in Italy helped shape our decision to live here rather than in other European countries. Step 2: Familiar: From my experience living in Italy, I found, and still find, that it is not challenging to develop warm and lasting friendships with locals. Whether Rome or Lecce, Latium or Puglia, I find the Italian people welcoming, interested in our backgrounds, and open to spending time together and sharing their lives. Another aspect of Italian life that is familiar is the importance of food. Breaking bread is more than grabbing a bite and always involves conversation, sharing one's life, and exchanging cooking ideas, even among men. One more beautiful aspect of Italian culture is the affection expressed between friends and an authentic sense of care for one another. This point is more difficult to explain, but there is a comfort with physical expressions of affection (kissing, hugging, walking arm in arm) that can seem unusual for an American but can enrich one's life. The other aspect, caring for one another, is expressed by a sincere interest and concern for the other person. Among our local friends, there is a great effort to accommodate our work schedules without being asked. Another example is when I buy fruit; the vendor asks me to tell him what I think and lets me know that if my watermelon or peaches aren't sweet, to come back for a replacement. Step 3: Unfamiliar: Though I lived in Italy for eight years, there were, and are, some things that I never understood. One of these is when our local friends talk and argue about Italian politics. That completely loses me. Another unfamiliar cultural difference is a "baroque" way of speaking. When I listen to a talk, speech, sermon, or presentation, I am used to a speaker who summarizes, synthesizes, and arrives at the central point quickly. Here in Italy, at least in Puglia, there is another style of public speaking, which is more "baroque" and gives a more flowery presentation while eventually arriving at the point, as I keep glancing at my watch. Step 4: Some surprising and pleasant differences: Though we had a hint of this in the past, one pleasant difference is the intensity of friendship we experience in Puglia. Friends quickly become like family, and the bonds are lasting. Another unexpected difference is how music and dance weave different generations together. Here in Puglia, one might see a grandmother dancing the "Taranta" (traditional dance) with her teenage son and having a ball. Or hearing a young person ride past on his motorcycle while singing a classic Italian song in full voice. That sense of the present tied to the past through music and dance is impressive. The great food in Italy, especially in Puglia (OK, maybe I am biased), was surprising in that it is even better than what we dreamed. There are many other pleasant differences, but that would take another blog post. Step 5: Cultural differences that take a while to get used to and understand: When I first lived in Italy (Rome), I thought a group of friends could grab a meal, catch a movie and then go out for a drink. When the meal took a few hours to play out, I complained (the ugly American). I saw the long meals from only my cultural viewpoint. The cultural difference at the heart of the long dinners, especially in the south, is that eating together is more about building a community than consuming food. When I realized this, I came to enjoy the time together at the table rather than rushing through so we could go on to the next thing. Another challenging cultural difference is that everything seems slow, even walking. In California, we tend to hurry from point A to point B, but in Italy, walking is always more of a stroll. It took some getting used to, but now we value the stroll as a time of building community, enjoying friendships, looking at architecture, and becoming part of life on the streets. Another challenging cultural difference is focusing on the group rather than the individual. Coming from California, I am used to deciding what I want to do, the goal I set, and how I want to spend my time. In Puglia, we tend to spend time with groups of local friends. In these groups, many things get decided by consensus: where to go to dinner, how to arrange the tables, when to depart for a road trip, what to buy for dinner, etc. But over time, we have realized that focusing on the group (community) rather than solely on the individual is making our lives bigger. Step 6: : Insights: Before moving to Puglia/Italy, we focussed on building and prioritizing our friendships here, which is paying off since now our friends here are like family. Experiencing differences from other viewpoints can enrich one's life and enlarge one's perspective because having my priorities challenged can help me experience life in a new way. When cultural differences arise, my initial reaction can be to assess and pass judgment. If I go down that road, I won't learn anything. I remain the same. Some of the cultural insights gained so far during our time in Italy include the centrality of relationships, the focus on the present moment, the care for one another's welfare, and the emphasis on community. Watch for my book coming around the 1st of the year: "Stories from Puglia: Two Californians in Southern Italy." More next time.

How we moved to Italy. Shopping in Italy. This part is called: Learning how to shop in Italy. PART 13: I thought it might be interesting to share how we pulled off living in Italy for part of the year. I will post some steps we took. We are in Puglia until the end of September, then back in February. The topic we will explore is: Shopping in Italy. Step 1: It doesn't take long in Italy to realize that there are differences in shopping between here and California that can be baffling initially. Examples include: when we first went to an Italian supermarket, we needed a coin to release the shopping cart. We didn't have any coins, so we stood there in the parking lot, baffled. We then went to buy some shirts and found the labeled sizes (X, XL, XXL) noticeably smaller than back in California. Another day we went to look for a small vacuum cleaner and found them for sale in a store that sells washing machines. Then the afternoon closure: I cannot count the number of times we went to a store during siesta, finding it closed. Little by little, we are getting used to a different way of shopping that starts to make sense the longer we are here. I try to remember not to judge differences but to learn to appreciate them. Step 2: Grocery shopping. Once we figured out that we could use a basket if we didn't have coins, we entered our local supermarket. The first thing that caught our eye was a prepared food section that looked like a high-end cafeteria/bakery/restaurant. We marveled at the lasagna, salads, freshly baked loaves of bread, pastries, sandwiches, and hot main dishes. The prices were reasonable, so we grabbed lunch before shopping. It was a Sunday; we walked over to the tables, ate our lunches at a leisurely pace, and then made our way to the grocery section. The lights were off. "Why are the lights off?" we asked in our American-accented Italian. "We close at 1:30 on Sundays". Such was our introduction to grocery shopping in Puglia. We returned the next day, coins in hand, to resume our grocery adventure. We got our prepared food to take home this time and proceeded to make our way through the aisles. We immediately noticed the superior quality of produce. We brought home the most flavorful tomatoes, the sweetest peaches, and the most delicious small pears we have ever had. I like to drink a lot of milk, but most Italians are not milk drinkers, as exemplified by the smaller milk containers. I put 7-8 bottles in my cart, which would last a few days. We then checked out their yogurt, which is more watery than ours but tastes more natural and less sweet. The cheese section rivaled any expensive supermarket in California for less than half the price. Coffee, tea, juices, it was all there. "Where's the Coffee Mate?" I muttered to myself, forgetting that I was in another country. No Coffee Mate. Making our way through the supermarket, we realized that, in general, the quality of fresh foods is much better than in California, but the prices tend to be lower. We were smiling when we left; we could buy some great food at reasonable prices, and we understood the logic of the coin in the shopping cart. Step 3: Supermarket vs. smaller stores and farmers' markets. "You did what???? Did you buy your fruit at the supermarket? And meat there too? Don't tell me you bought your cheese there????" Our local Italian friends were shocked; we felt that we had committed a crime for which we needed to beg forgiveness. OK, we assured our local friends. We will try to shop in the local stores rather than get everything at the supermarket. Our friends had a point: We have discovered that often smaller neighborhood stores have high-quality local produce, butchers have relationships with customers and offer to roast chicken and other meats if ordered the day before, electric stores stock many items at competitive prices, and the proprietors know their products inside and out. Smaller food markets offer services that include preparing cheese trays, cooked lasagna, and risotto if ordered the day before. Relationships are what matter, and shopping at smaller stores has allowed us to get to know local people in our community, discover high-quality products and avail ourselves of their expertise. Step 4: Clothing. Since I have trained at the gym for years, I tend to wear XXL shirts. When we went shopping for clothing in Italy, I found that the XXL was equivalent to our L or XL; not all stores carry XXXL shirts, so I found shirt shopping challenging. My shoe size is 14. Enough said about that. For pants, I am pretty standard in the waist but bigger in the legs, which is another challenge here. I have no experience in women's clothing, so I do not know the challenges in that sphere. Navigating clothes shopping has been fun, but we are still learning to find what we want in the sizes we need or to bring them from California. Step 5: Shopping for other items. In Italy, we find that things are grouped differently than in California. We were looking for a digital alarm clock, for example, in a department store, and spent several minutes looking at every shelf in the electronics department. Not finding it there, we fanned out, eventually finding them in the home decor section next to the candles. We were also looking at vacuum cleaners and found them for sale in our neighborhood store that carries washing machines. Sometimes I see the logic. For example, when cameras are sold in stores selling eyeglasses, they have the idea of a lens in common. But I have to admit that other times I don't. But it is not for me to judge but to appreciate the differences. Step 6: The siesta. The afternoon break: a wonderful southern Italian tradition that enhances the quality of life in Italy and drives visitors crazy! Though I should know better by now, I went to the pharmacy at 12:30 and found it closed today. I returned at 4:30, finding it still closed. Becoming part of the ebb and flow of life means letting go of expectations that businesses be open throughout the workday and becoming more aware of opening and closing hours. I had an acquaintance in Los Angeles who visited and traveled around Italy for a few weeks. When he returned, we asked him if he had learned any Italian. "Yes," he said. "What did you learn?" we asked. "I learned one word," he said. We were intrigued and asked what word he took back with him. "Chiuso," he replied. That means "closed." Step 7: Insights: Learning about locals' ways has been enriching and different. Freshness and quality are more important than efficiency, so locals are more willing to use their time going to multiple stores to get what they need to have fresh quality food daily. We are used to going to Costco or the supermarket once a week, stocking up on items that will last, and avoiding the store in between. We are learning some excellent lessons about shopping here in Italy. Watch for my book coming around the 1st of the year: "Stories from Puglia: Two Californians in Southern Italy." More next time.