Why we started living in Italy before we had it figured out

PART 154: It might be interesting to share how we pulled off living in Italy for part of the year. I will post some steps and what we are learning along the way.

We love every minute of it, and what was once a dream is our life!

We live in Tuscany in the Fall, then return again in the Spring, and spend the rest of the time in California (as I explained in a previous blog, we only live in Italy for part of the year).

Step 1: As we explore areas in Italy, we discover some gems worth sharing. Some are well-known tourist magnets, and others are lesser-known but always amazing. 

This week, let's explore why we decided to start living in Italy before we had figured out all the ins and outs.

Step 2: Longing

As our lives became stable in Los Angeles, with our careers progressing, our friendships solidified, and our annual vacations planned, we began to wonder: is this enough?

The feeling that our established daily life in California might not be sufficient started with a subtle sense of discomfort. Don't get me wrong; we love our life here, our friends, and our healthy routines. However, there was an underlying sense that there must be something more.

Eventually, this seed of discomfort grew into a deep longing for an undefined "something more."

One afternoon, everything crystallized when my partner asked me, "What do you think about living in Europe after you retire?"

I was taken aback; I had never considered it before. But as I reflected on his question, I realized it was the answer to that longing I had been feeling.

Step 3: Lost friends

I once had a friend whose friendship I treasured. We were certain our bond would last forever—that we'd grow old together, sharing our lives through whatever came our way.

Then he died suddenly.

His death shook me deeply, and it took time to process the loss. But losing him taught me how precious and fleeting life is.

My friend's passing forced me to reconsider everything. If life was this short, I didn't want to wait for the conventional retirement timeline. Instead of working the typical 31 years in the pension system, I decided to retire after 25. This meant I needed to accelerate my career—taking on extra responsibilities and pursuing promotions to boost my salary and, consequently, my pension benefits. Even if early retirement meant a smaller monthly income, I was willing to make that trade-off.

My partner and I realized we'd been guilty of the same postponement. We agreed to stop putting off our dreams and start pursuing them immediately.

While I was still working, we tested the waters with a two-week winter trip to Italy. The experience was transformative enough that we returned the following summer, renting a place in Puglia for several months to see if we could handle a longer commitment to Italian life.

After I retired, we took the leap: signing a year-long lease on an Italian house. Though we only lived there four to six months annually—splitting our time between two extended stays—it felt like the beginning of something bigger.

As I've written about elsewhere, we eventually purchased our own home in Tuscany.

Step 4: Local friendships

We had no idea how anything worked in Italy before we began our long-term stay there. Whether it was getting medical care, signing a lease, or paying bills, we were entirely in the dark. However, we had already established friendships in Puglia, where we started our journey.

As we spend more time in Italy, it becomes increasingly clear that many processes rely on relationships. Whether it's navigating bureaucracy, finding a doctor, or discovering an excellent plant nursery, our local friends consistently help us along the way.

Although we are often confused by the different ways things are done in Italy compared to California, our local friendships have made the transition smooth and stress-free. We have learned that building relationships is essential for establishing a life in Italy. These connections often begin with simple conversations—whether it's with the checkout lady at the supermarket, fellow expats at the gym, or our local butcher and baker.

Taking the time to connect with others is its own reward; building local relationships can also help as we learn to navigate life in another country.

Step 5: Learning

Our mindset gradually shifted from "We need to have everything figured out before taking the next step" to "Learning along the way is part of the adventure."

When we started in Puglia, we had no idea we'd eventually end up in Tuscany.

Puglia made sense as our first step—we already had friends there, and the lifestyle felt familiar after Southern California. But after a couple of years, we realized it wouldn't be our permanent base in Italy. Those years weren't wasted time; they taught us what we actually wanted from our Italian experience. Eventually, Tuscany became the obvious choice because it put us closer to the historical sites, cultural centers, and international destinations we wanted to explore.

The relationships we've built in Tuscany have proven just as valuable as those in Puglia. Recently, I needed medical care in Italy and had no clue how to navigate the system. Again, figuring it out as we went worked in our favor. I reached out to a friend in Tuscany who's both a doctor and a regular at our local gym. He helped me get the care and medication I needed.

This experience reinforced what we've learned: when you're living in Italy—whether full-time or part-time—learning as you go isn't just inevitable, it's part of what makes it an adventure.

Step 6: Not all or nothing

I've written a few blogs on the "all or nothing" mentality because it was a significant obstacle for us.

When we first considered moving to Italy, we spent months trying to figure out how to take the leap. We needed to understand how to obtain residency, buy a home, fulfill our obligations in California, get a visa, and navigate EU healthcare, among other things.

We continually hit a brick wall because we couldn't find a way to fulfill our obligations in California while living in Italy full-time as residents.

Then it dawned on us: it doesn't have to be all or nothing.

We could adhere to the rules of the Schengen Zone (see my blog on this) and spend part of the year in Italy. The solution we came up with was to spend two to three months in Italy twice per year while maintaining our residency in California. This approach simplified the process, allowing us to fulfill our commitments in California.

Once we realized that it didn't have to be all or nothing and that we could create a solution for living in Italy that suited us, the next step was easy: purchasing the plane ticket and making it happen!

Step 7: Open to adventure

Entering a situation without fully understanding all its complexities has tested our need to feel in control, especially when there are many factors beyond our reach. However, learning to let go and trusting that things will unfold as they are meant to has been beneficial. Cultivating local friendships, asking for help when needed, and being willing to adapt our desire to live in Europe to our particular circumstances has allowed us to view this experience as a learning adventure. Rather than trying to control it, we aim to experience it and remain open to whatever comes our way.

Ultimately, we hope to be changed by this journey.

More next time.

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